


Someday We'll Find the Words That Match the Feelings Deep Within

by TheKidsFromYesterday



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Asexuality, BDSM, Changing Tenses, Evil Morgana (Merlin), Execution, F/M, Good Morgana (Merlin), Minor Character Death, Queen Morgana (Merlin), Uther Pendragon Dies (Merlin), Uther Pendragon's A+ Parenting (Merlin), a matter of perspective really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:01:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29300808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheKidsFromYesterday/pseuds/TheKidsFromYesterday
Summary: Morgause would see her sister crowned in blood and fire, and would give both pain and pleasure to her lover who helped them see that day.
Relationships: Cenred/Morgause (Merlin), Morgana & Morgause (Merlin)





	Someday We'll Find the Words That Match the Feelings Deep Within

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in an AU where either Merlin never came to Camelot, or Balinor was found and executed before Merlin could be conceived. It is my attempt to give Morgana the ending she deserved. If you notice any problems with the tense switching where it shouldn't, let me know in the comments.

Morgause knows she is different than the others. She has heard them in the night, trying in vain to stifle their gasps as they seek release by their own hands, or with the assistance of others. A few of the other druid girls her age approach her from time to time, but she sends them away with lengthy exclamations on how she has devoted herself wholly to the triple goddess.

It works, for a time. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

When she was nearing the end of her seventeenth winter, the elders sent her out into the world. A rite of passage, they said. A last chance to return to that suffocating way of life. Few druids ever chose to stay in Camelot's line of sight, choosing instead to live in the shadows, always looking over their shoulders for a glint of chainmail and red fabric in the distance. 

Morgause found work as a scullery maid. It didn't pay well, but gold was gold, and come summertime she would have little use for the coins given to her. On occasion, she would spend her earnings at the tavern, ignoring the leers from lecherous men with only one thought in their minds. 

The druid elders made sure that all who left for the outside world had built up a sturdy tolerance for ale, lest they be either taken advantage of, or lose control of their magic while drunk. 

She was drinking at the tavern when a man approached her. What he looked like and what his name was, if he ever even told her, doesn't matter. What matters is that she decided to give a "normal" life a shot, and let him lead her upstairs to his rented room. 

The next morning she went to the river and scrubbed herself raw to get every last trace of him off her skin. The scent of him seemed to have sunk into her bones. 

"I did not enjoy that." Morgause had told him as he collapsed on top of her, their bodies slicked with sweat. 

"It's painful for women the first time. Give me a moments rest and we'll try again. I'll go slower this time and be more gentle." 

Morgause pursed her lips as the man fell asleep, trying to give verbal form to the feeling of wrongness that had overtaken her when she had began to undress, giving him the honour of taking a future high priestess to bed, though he would never know it. But she could find no way to explain to herself why she felt certain that no amount of slowness or gentleness would ignite the elusive fires of lust betwixt her thighs that the other druid girls would speak of in hushed whispers in the dead of night. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Cenred is a harlot. And the fact that he has an army of highly trained and extremely devoted warriors under his command does not stop her from saying that to his face over dinner one night. 

He knows she will not partake in anything, no matter how tantalising the aroumas may be, as their alliance is still new and shaky, like a newborn foal attempting to trot. He keeps inviting her anyway. 

"How can you stand to sully yourself in that way?" she asks, having passed his latest lover in the halls on her way here. 

He laughs. "I do not consider it such. The only thing sullied at the end of the night are my bedsheets." 

Morgause turns her head towards the roaring fire and says nothing. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Morgana is her sister, and Morgause will do everything in her power to help her usurp the throne. Morgana will become queen, even if it means that Morgause has to slit the throats of Arthur and Uther Pendragon herself, along with their narrowminded knights. 

Her sister will know love far greater than anyone on this earth ever has, Morgause swore to herself the moment they first met. Morgause will learn her hopes and dreams and teach her magic and drape her beloved sister in fine fabrics and jewels and ensure that she wants for nothing, for a queen deserves all the world and more, does she not? 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Morgause discovers Cenred's preferences entirely by accident. They are arguing over routes to Camelot that would keep them undetected for longer when he rolls his eyes and stands, heading for the door. 

"Sit down!" Morgause hisses. "Sit down and _look_ at me when I'm talking to you." 

He pauses, turning around so very slowly that she wonders for a brief moment if this is truly the first time she's lost her temper around him, and has managed to frighten him. Stepping closer, Morgause notices the short breaths he is taking and how his pupils have dilated. 

"Honestly, Cenred, as if I'd-" Moragause quiets, for he has returned to his chair, settling into it as slowly as he had turned around, keeping his eyes on hers all the while. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

When she told Morgana the Cenred only wished to please her, it was not a lie. 

After the two of them finished deciding on a route, she ordered him to follow her to his bedchambers, as she had no desire to ruin the perfectly good room he had given her with bad memories should her hunch prove incorrect. 

"Kneel." she said softly, pointing to the plush rug in the centre of the room. 

He did so with a practiced grace that made her wonder whom it was that had first shown him the pleasures to be found in submission and dominance, to be perfectly in control while maintaining the illusion of helplessness. 

Morgause circled him slowly, as a predator would its prey, trying to see what the men and women Cenred took to bed saw when they looked upon him. He was beautiful, she'd grant him that, with dark eyes currently sparking with desire and hair that she longed to run her fingers through. 

After a moments hesitation, she did, causing him to breathe out a sigh as he leaned his head against her thigh. Morgause tilted her head as she looked down at him, wondering what in the world she was meant to do next. 

"Will there be pain?" he asked after several long moments had passed. 

"Do you want pain?" she questioned. 

" _Yes_." he said, his voice hoarse. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

She takes her time to learn him, how much pain he can tolerate, how tightly she can bind him. A stroke of genius has her fashioning a gag out of cloth and leather. She should have thought of gagging him sooner, as he's much easier to deal with when he can't irritate her with snarky comments. 

Morgause learns that he can't stand being blindfolded, and needs to have one hand free at all times. 

In turn, Cenred learns her own boundaries. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

It happened one night after she had whipped him. She was sitting next to him in bed, spreading a herbal salve onto his welts. 

"What can I do for you?" he asked, his voice having taken on the dreamy, tranquil quality it always did after the two of them indulged. "I want to please you." 

Morgause stilled, her magic rearing up like a snake, ready to strike him at a moments notice. "Absolutely nothing, Cenred. You've already pleased me." 

His brow furrowed. "Surely you jest. Everyone has needs, and since you're already satisfying one primal desire with me, why not another?" 

Morgause carefully did not meet his gaze as she continued tending to him. "I have no desire to be touched or filled the way all of your other lovers do. If that is a problem, than we shall part ways." 

"No!" he said, reaching out to grab her arm, though she had made no move to stand. "No, it's all right. I understand. Some of my soldiers desire the company of other men. You desire companionship. It isn't so strange a concept." 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

It is shortly after their failed attempt at attacking Camelot with an army of the undead that Cenred summons her to his bedchambers. Morgause silently fumes as she waves the servant who delivered the summons off. She is a high priestess of the triple goddess, not a dog to be called for on a whim. Who does that man think he is?! 

By the time she nears the doors and gives a curt nod to the guards standing sentinel outside of it, she has planned several excruciating ways to maim him, for death is too merciful for such a pompous king, no matter how fond she is growing of him. 

But what lies beyond the door surprises her. 

Cenred is standing in the centre of the room, his hands behind his back. "For you." he says, holding out a book. 

Taking it from him, she realises that it is a spellbook, an old one at that, that had somehow survived The Great Purge. The spine is pliant in her hands, no doubt a result from countless readings by the sorcerers of old. The stories this book could tell. Surprisingly, the ink is fresh. A glance towards the table reveals inkwells and quills. So this is where he's been the past few days, going over the book and carefully replacing each rune with a delicate hand. Morgause had missed him at mealtimes, but he would need to do more than restore an ancient spellbook to get her to admit to missing his presence. Still, this book is his way of trying to make amends, so she supposes he deserves a reward. 

"You must be tired after spending so many nights hunched over this book. Why don't I put out a few of the candles and give you a massage?" she proposes. 

His face lights up at the prospect. "That sounds wonderful, my lady. But only if you'll allow me to return the favour afterwards." 

She nods, and gestured for him to strip and get on the bed. "All right, but I'm not getting naked for that." 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Morgana is crowned queen after five straight days of battle, and Morgause could not be happier. 

Arthur and his father are brought into the throne room and forced to their knees by four of Cenred's men. Eight others stand along the walls. The former king and prince are trained warriors after all, one can't be too careful. 

Morgana leans forward, looking straight into Uther's eyes. "Tell him the truth." she says, flicking her gaze to Arthur for the briefest of moments. " _All_ of it." 

Uther confesses, tears pouring down his face, that Arthur was conceived with the help of magic. He speaks of Morgana's mother, and how the two of them had grown close while her husband was away. He tells Arthur how that closeness resulted in Morgana. 

Morgana nods, and the two of them are sent back to the dungeons. Morgause knows that her sister will let Arthur wallow in his grief and incestuous feelings for a while before offering him a choice; swear fealty to Morgana or be exiled from Camelot. Morgana and Arthur may never be as close as they once were, but he's still one of the only surviving relatives she has left. She won't execute him unless he forces her hand by doing something recklessly idiotic, like attempting to stage a coup. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

By the Queen's decree, Uther Pendragon is burned at the stake like so many of his victims before him. For once, the smell of roasting flesh has notes of victory rather than despair laced in it. 

Morgause takes her sister's face in her hands as Uther's final scream drifts away on the wind and kisses both of her cheeks. "I promised you a crown, did I not? I promised you a queendom?" 

Morgana beams, her eyes shining with tears of joy, so different from the girl she had once been, terrified of the dreams and nightmares that eventually became reality. Morgana had had no port in the storm before Morgause, only a father who would have had her executed had he known of her powers and a physician intent on gaslighting Morgana into insanity. 

Said physician is currently locked away in a tower few would dare to climb. He gets regular meals, courtesy of the servants Morgana sent there to tend to him, and an hour or two outside each day, so it's not all bad. But there he will stay, reliving his worst fears until his heart gives out. A fitting punishment, as he would have been content to leave Morgana to stand alone against the shadows of her own mind. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

"Are you happy, my lady?" Cenred asks her one evening, still slightly drunk on mead after the celebration of the fifth anniversary of Morgana taking the throne. 

"Extremely." she tells him as she leans down for a honey-soaked kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Long live the Once and Future Queen! Gods above and below that show just dragged on and on. A friend warned me to stop watching after season three, saying I would be disappointed in what they did to Morgana afterwards. If you ever read this, I'm sorry, I should have listened, because in what universe(apparently this one) can you take a complex character and turn her into an unstable, infantile, villain-who-only-wears-black?


End file.
